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Teenagers, Cars, Curfews and Christ

4/30/2012

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My wife, Connie and I raised five children that are now wonderful, young adults. We were interviewed on Sunday for our “Raising G-rated Kids in an R-rated World” message series. The focus was parenting during the teen years. We knew all but two of the questions ahead of time, so we were prepared to share our successes, failures, and Scripture that guided us during those years. Here are a few highlights:

Teenagers are moving from adolescence to adulthood, what things did you do to help them during that transition?

Children are moving from literal to abstract in their thinking. Our position as a parent moved from being hero and always right, to sharing a place with friends or losing their place to friends. Teens become critical and challenge formerly accepted beliefs. We found parenting was easier and harder.

Easier: teens can eat, dress, and be quite independent.
Harder: infant/child rearing involves a large percentage of caring for their physical well-being: food, shelter, clothing and protection. Raising teenagers includes a lot of grayer areas: dating, driving, and doubting.

We found that this is an opportunity to have meaningful adult conversations with our growing teens. We asked them  questions about injustice in our world, unanswered prayers, and the “why do you think this is happening this way” questions.

We gave our teenagers more responsibilities and less restrictions. We followed advice from another parent who told us to say “Yes” to their requests as often as you can and give a clear explanation when we would say “No”.

 1 Corinthians 13:11 “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.”

Deuteronomy 6:6-7 “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

We would ask our teenager what they were reading in their Bible and ask them what makes sense and what does not. Sometimes we would find solutions together to the confusing portions.

We would ask our children what questions they were asking God about in their prayers and then ask them what answer they have gotten.

We would point our teenager towards books, podcasts, and conferences that brought teaching, perspectives and experiences which complimented and stretched what we had taught them about God.

The single-most important thing we did with our growing teen was:
Pray together.

Let me know what you have found effective raising your teenagers.
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Ranking Values

4/27/2012

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A class I am taking had a unique exercise. The professor asked us to rank the following list in order of importance, assigning  a #1 to what you value as highest importance, then #2 to next, and so on.

Correct THEOLOGY
The GOLDEN RULE
Financial TITHING
CHURCH Membership/Participation
A personal relationship with CHRIST
An active PRAYER life
Regular BIBLE STUDY
HELPING the less fortunate
A concern about…AFTER DEATH
SOCIAL JUSTICE for the oppressed

Then,we went over the list and assigned the number you would have ranked them earlier in your life. If you are younger than 40, rank it how you would have assigned it when you were 16 years old. If you are older than 40, rank it how you would have assigned it when you were 25 years old.

We then partnered up in class and discussed our results with another person. Later, the entire class discussed why some rankings changed and others did not. Our values change as we grow and mature spiritually. This was not about debating theologically why certain categories should be higher than others. It was an exercise that took a look into the room of our soul and recognizing some re-arranging had occurred and asking why the change had happened.

The apostle Paul recognized his values changed and writes to the Christians in Galatia
what counts to him now as a #1
Galatians 6:14-16 14 May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. 15 Neither circumcision nor uncircumcision means anything; what counts is a new creation. 16 Peace and mercy to all who follow this rule, even to the Israel of God.


Take a few moments and rank yourself. You may choose to do this someone else and review your rankings together. Discuss why some scores changed and others did not.

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Got Word?

4/26/2012

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I grew up on a dairy farm and farmed with my father for thirteen years. My farming heritage gave me a love for milk. Icy cold or made into hot chocolate, I love milk.  Milk is essential for our health from the time we are infants until we pass from this life into the forever life.

The Bible compares God’s word to milk.
Hebrews 5:12 “In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food!”

Even though the statement is a scolding that the followers of Jesus are not more mature, it is also a statement that young believers of Jesus need the milk of God’s word. Just like newborn babies require several small feedings throughout the day, a person just beginning a relationship with Jesus Christ should read smaller amounts of the word often each day.

A person who has followed Jesus for many years can read longer and larger amounts of the Bible each day, but it can be overwhelming to a person who is new in the faith.  They should focus on smaller portions of the Bible; reading chapters or passages each day instead of entire books.

The instructions for establishing a new lawn is to water the newly sown seed three times per day for six weeks. That is a lot of work, but it keeps from over-watering the seed and promotes the best, lasting growth. Watering the seed of salvation with God’s word often during the first weeks of following Jesus is a lot of work. However, it keeps from drowning the person with too much too soon.

What was your experience of reading God’s word as a new follower of Jesus?
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Serenity Prayer and Change

4/25/2012

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“We cannot change the wind, but we can change our sails.” Robert Kegan
The quote is from a book I am reading by Kegan. The author has different moral and spiritual values than I, but I agree with Kegan concerning what we can take responsibility over and what we cannot.

The Serenity Prayer conveys a similar understanding.
"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference."


This prayer was originally untitled and attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr, a theologian who included it in a sermon on Practical Christianity in 1937. Alcoholics Anonymous have adopted this prayer into their program since 1942.

Wisdom will let you know the difference between accepting the wind or not and changing your sails or not.

The rest of the “Serenity Prayer” that is lesser known.
"Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen."

The Lord is making all things right, including you and I, as we surrender to His will. The more we surrender the greater happiness we experience in this life.

What changes are you making that require courage?
What things are you accepting that require serenity?
Comment here:


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How to Know if the Door is Open or Closed

4/24/2012

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It is easy to tell if a door is open or closed, but there are other doors in life that are not easy to know if they are open or closed; doors of opportunity, doors of ministry, doors of relationships and other doors. There have been doors in my life that have opened or closed and I have wondered if the door that I expected to open up was closed by God or has the enemy, the devil closed the door. Inversely, a door could be opened by God or it could be a door of temptation or wrong direction that the devil has opened.

A door could be closed by the devil that he does not want us to go through and we need to push open through perseverance. But, it would be frustrating and even disobedient to try and push open a door that God has closed.

The Bible records a time that God closes a door of ministry to the apostle Paul.
Acts 16:7 When they came to the border of Mysia, they tried to enter Bithynia, but the Spirit of Jesus would not allow them to.
Paul also wrote of a time he knew that God opened a door.
1 Corinthians 16:8-9 But I will stay on at Ephesus until Pentecost, 9 because a great door for effective work has opened to me, and there are many who oppose me.

I have shared in a previous blog  the  five ways that God guides us taken from the ALPHA course.
The same five can help us answer the following question:
How can a person know if it is God that has opened or closed a door?
1.       Scripture – it agrees with the Bible
2.       Spirit – The Holy Spirit speaks to you in prayer and through your thoughts
3.       Sense – It does not conflict with common sense
4.       Saints – other Christians confirm
5.       Signs – there are circumstantial signs that indicate the door is closed or open

What have you found helpful determining if a door is open or closed by God?
Comment here:


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Not Parenting Your Children

4/23/2012

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The heart of loving your children and wanting the best for their lives never ends, but parenting does. Our children are gifts given by God and parents carry an incredible responsibility raising them in the way they should go. The final stage of parenting is releasing our children into all that God has equipped them to be and do in this world.

Larry and Becky Dorman celebrate their 35th wedding anniversary today. They have four children and nine grandchildren. Larry is in his 27th year of serving as pastor at Country Faith Fellowship in Clearbrook, Mn. Becky is the co-director of Clear Waters Life Center, a non-profit organization in two communities which offers Adult Basic Education, Youth Programs, Chemical Dependency programs, Grief Support, Parenting classes, Counseling and Coaching services.

Larry and Becky shared at our church their personal stories of experiences with their children and biblical principles that have guided their lives. The theme was adult children, blended families, grandchildren and drifters.

Highlights:
>All children need to hear from their parents three things:
1.       I love you.
2.       I am proud of you.
3.       You are really good at _____________.
That need to hear those three things never goes away.

>You cannot try to be your young child’s friend or buddy, you are their parent. When your children grow into an adult your role changes from parent to friend.

>Give advice or counsel to your adult children only when asked.

>Proverbs 22:6 "Train a child in the way he should go,
   and when he is old he will not turn from it."
This proverb is a principle, but not a promise.  Our role as parents is to tell our children about Jesus Christ and to live passionately for Him. Because God has given each of us a free will, this does not guarantee our children will embrace Jesus as their Lord and Savior.

>Love your children even if they make terribly sinful
choices, because most often they know their choices do not win your approval, but both of you need your relationship more than silence or condemnation. Your love does not mean approval of their actions.

>It is too easy when we see our adult children or grandchildren in conflict to try to fix the problems. Be very cautious not to take an enabling role and borrow money, sign a loan, post bail, or anything that temporarily takes on their responsibilities.

>If your child has drifted from Jesus, you cannot love them back to Jesus. Your love is important, but Jesus is the only way to the Father.

You can hear Larry and Becky online on this website at the Online Messages and click on message_4-22mp3

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Gifts of Power & Grace

4/20/2012

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I am writing this blog from the TrueBridge Conference held at City Hill Fellowship in Eden Prairie, Mn. The conference began last night and runs through Saturday noon. The theme is, Equipping the Church Through gifts of Power and Grace.” Rich Kao, pastor of Five Stones Church in Vancouver is the main speaker.
Highlights from last night:

>Prophetic word during worship: the Holy Spirit is leading the church into a new place with new steps, different from how He has moved in the past
>Rich challenged us to have a robust theology of the Holy Spirit.
>The book of Acts contains 21 acts of power and 46 acts of grace
>Do not let the book of Acts become the book of Drats
    -Drats, we could have shared the gospel if we had waited on the Holy Spirit.
    -Drats: we could have healed the lame man if we had waited on the Holy Spirit
    -Drats, we could have been generous if we had waited on the Holy Spirit.
    -Acts instead of Drats.
>"Is the Holy Spirit baked in the cake or sprinkled on top for decoration?" Rich Kao
Acts 1:8  But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”
Three Things Found in Acts 1:8              
1.    Third Person of the Trinity – the Holy Spirit
2.    Global Mission
3.    Personal Engagement

Four Tips to Grow in Gifts of Power and Grace

1.Saturate your heart with the Gospel.
2.Get practical. ie Helping your neighbors/neighborhood.
3. Have a bias towards action.
4. Prove your consistency of love and grace.

How to live in the gifts of Power and Grace
>All of us have a capacity for the Holy Spirit.
>Find your gift - your strength zone.
>Get mentoring in your strength zone.
>Understand how the annointing works.
>Practice, practice, practice.

What helps you live each day under the anointing influence of the Holy Spirit?
Comment here:


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Devil - Real or Imagined?

4/19/2012

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My wife and I meet each week with a group of Christians committed to growing in our faith and actions. We call these small groups in our church “Life Groups”, because they promote growing together in life. We are going through the ALPHA course, which is a practical introduction to the Christian faith. The subject this week was about evil.

ALPHA presenter, Nicky Gumbel, shared verses from the Bible which speaks about evil.  Each one of us in our Life Group agrees with their understanding that there is a real devil, who with his demonic helpers goes about trying to bring destruction on our lives. The Bible tells us that the devil in the form of a serpent tempted Eve and Adam. Their disobedience made a sin stain on the human race that remains to this day.

Jesus came to break that power of sin over people. Jesus and His disciples demonstrated this power when demons were cast out of people. Some consider this either symbolic or that those events  happened during Jesus’ time on earth, but no longer happens today. Each of us in our Life Group agrees with those who believe this literally happened during Jesus’ time and is still happening in our world today.

Each time that I have traveled into other countries, I have witnessed demonic activity and have seen God’s power over demons setting people free. The devil’s activity is just as active in the United States, however, it is in the subtle forms of greed, pride, worry, and numerous other actions that do not represent actions from God.

Some Christians place too much focus on the devil and his activities. The Bible tells us that our power over the devil comes by living our lives under the control of God and resisting the devil.
James 4:7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

How do you see the power of God evidenced over the devil on our world today?
Comment here.


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4 Things You Can Bank on with God

4/18/2012

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In the world of sales, a person needs to market their service or product accurately. You highlight the benefits and superiority of what you would deliver if they became a customer. It is great to hear that what you delivered exceeded their expectations. It is a problem if we promised something and under-delivered.

When we tell others about God, we need to be careful to promise only what God promises. A person’s life may be in great disarray or turmoil. We know that Jesus can bring peace and stability. Is peace and stability guaranteed?  What can we tell people they can depend upon when they give their lives to following and obeying God?

Four things you can bank on with God.
1.       God loves you.
2.       God will never leave nor abandon you.
3.       God will calm some storms, while other times God calms you.  
4.       God will be with you in the calm and in the calamity.

Deuteronomy 31:8
“The LORD Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”


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Do It Again, Jesus.

4/17/2012

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Jesus came to earth fully human and fully God. His physical appearance was just like every other person. One day Jesus showed His fully God side to three of His disciples – Peter, James and John. It was as though He unzipped His human suit that was hiding His “otherness”. In that moment, Jesus radiated brilliance, eternalness, glory, majesty and strength. The disciples were overwhelmed with what was happening. Moses and Elijah appeared with Jesus during this amazing display. A bright cloud surrounded them and when the voice of God the Father spoke, the three men fell face-down terrified.

Jesus told the men to get up and everything was back to normal. Jesus told them not to say anything about this to anyone else until they saw Him raised from the dead. Why? The other disciples did not get to see this amazing transfiguration. Did Peter, James and John ever wish Jesus would show His God-side to those who scoffed at Him when He said that He came from the Father? Did they ever just want to see it again for themselves and ask Jesus to do it again?

Today, many people have encountered Jesus in profound ways. Not the same as what the three experienced, but powerful and tangible. We ask that Jesus would show His glory again or that He would move in healing power again. I have often wished Jesus would make more profound appearances in our world today so that others would encounter Him and believe.

It is not wrong to want Jesus to show His majesty and glory. It is a mistake to want a repeat performance and miss the fresh new ways Jesus reveals His true self to our world. A prayer that can be helpful is to ask the Holy Spirit to make you ready to encounter Him however He wishes to move, present, or display His glory today.

How have you seen the majesty of the Lord Jesus this week?
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    Mark Radeke

    Husband of one, father of five, pastor and friend of many.

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