Category: Parenting

Parenting and Porn

10/16/2012

Yesterday I put, "God has 50 Shades of Grace" on our church sign. Russ Bennet, pastor of Cornerstone Church, Myrtle Beach, NC posted a blog titled Confronting Culture with 50 Shades of Grace. Bennet shared these troubling statistics gathered from a 2006 study on the status of the porn industry in the U.S. and around the world:

1. Every second $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography ($184,538.40/min) ($11,072,304/hour) ($265,735,296/day).

2. Every second 28,258 internet users are viewing pornography.

3. Every second 372 million internet users are typing adult search terms into search engines.

4. Every 39 minutes a new pornographic video is being created in the US.

5. The porn industry is a 13.33 billion dollar/year industry with 89% of all porn movies produced in the U.S.

6. U.S. News and World Report says that more money is spent on pornography than country music, rock music, jazz, classical, broadway plays, and ballets COMBINED.

7. There are 4.2 million porn websites and 420 million pages of porn.

8. The average age of a child’s internet exposure is 11 years old with 90% of 8-16 year olds having already viewed porn (most are accidental while doing homework).

9. 80% of 15-17 year olds have had multiple hard core exposure to porn.

You can read the entire blog at http://www.ccmblife.com/cornerstone-blog/confronting-culture-with-50-shades-of-grace/.

I am not surprised by the statement in #8 that a child's first exposure is 11 years old while doing homework. Innocent searches I have done for a power-point for a Sunday message or a picture for this blog have brought up inappropriate images. My search engine is set at a moderate safe search.

God has a pure design for love, romance, marriage, and sex. Pornography is a sinful, corruption of God's design.

Parents have to teach about God's design earlier because of the world we live in. the good news is there are more resources available today than in previous generations. Do an internet search typing in Christian parenting resources or books or blogs.

Let me know what the best resources you have used for your family.

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Last Day of School

6/7/2012

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Today is the last day of school for our community’s public and Christian schools. Many students look forward to summer vacation. Summer is filled with hanging out with friends, summer jobs, family vacation, no homework assignments and a freer schedule. I could not wait for summer vacation to come and never felt it lasted long enough.

During my fourth grade year of school, I came home with C’s and D’s on my report card. My parents made me go to summer school. My summer was stolen from me. All I remember of summer school was trading turtle eggs for Marvel comic books and vowing in my heart to never get poor grades again because of the loss of summer.

There are other students whose homes are unstable and lack love. School is the one place that is consistent, has a regular meal, is a safe place and has adults that are encouraging them. Summer vacation for them means a more hostile environment, lack of purpose and hope.

Communities provide a variety of activities for children and young people during the summer months. Often there is a participation fee and the need of transportation to get them to the activity. There are students that have no ride and have no finances. Churches often are able to offer a type of big brother/big sister mentoring relationship for those who would benefit from ongoing adult support. Local churches also link together with parents offering support in a variety of areas.

The last day of school is a good day to pray for those students who will have more activities than time to choose from and for those students whose summer is uncertain.

What does your church do for students needing role models?
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Baby Pictures

5/17/2012

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I have a picture of my granddaughter, Madison and I think she is absolutely beautiful. You and I may not share the same perspective. My granddaughter is due to make entrance the end of September. The black and white ultra-sound picture may look unattractive in your eyes. The eyes of my son, daughter-in-law, my wife and I see the beauty of potential in this baby girl. Her parents have a name picked out already - Madison.

God sees even more beauty than we see in the life of each individual. Before you or I were born, God had plans for us and He thought about us often.

Psalms 139:15-18
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16     your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
    were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake, I am still with you.

This Saturday, I am joining many others in our community to support our local Pregnancy Resource Center which has helped thousands of individuals and couples over the past 26 years. The Walk for Life is a fundraiser which provides free services to women and men facing an unplanned pregnancy. A recent service is a free obstetrical ultra-sound. When people see their baby’s arms, hands and fingers, any thoughts of ending the pregnancy changes because they see beauty of their baby.

Let the next baby you see remind you that God knew you before you were formed and all His plans for you are good. For more information about the Cambridge Pregnancy Resource Center go to www.cambridgeprc.com.

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Pondering Prom?

5/4/2012

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Prom has become a rite of passage for high school students. Just like getting your driver’s license the moment a student turns sixteen, prom has a high level of expectation especially during a student’s junior and senior years.

Our school does a great job at making prom a special occasion. Planning happens almost as soon as the last prom is over. A student committee works with school faculty months before the event. The wonderful evening has become almost a full weekend. Today, many students will hit the tanning booths to turn any winter paleness into a Malibu bronze. Haircuts, highlights and perms will happen today or early tomorrow. Some couples will hire a photographer for pictures before prom. Grand March begins early afternoon and has become a feature event before the dinner and dance. The dinner and dance begins early evening and goes late. Some couples plan a Sunday afternoon get-together, making it a full weekend.

Prom can be a great time for young people preparing for an elegant evening, practicing proper social graces and treating your date with high honor. Couples that plan on doing things together with other couples find that the excitement of prom is multiplied because the experience is shared.

The down side is the high expenses paid for a single event. A parent told me this morning that they are spending $400 for their son’s prom expense. Some students go big ticket and rent expensive tuxes, costly beauty treatments, hire limousines, photographers and the sky is the limit on what can be spent.

Many students go with someone who is “just a friend”. Experience has shown that spending close to $1000. per couple suddenly places high expectations on their “just friendship”. The morning after prom is often filled with shame and anxiety over actions remembered or blurred. Law enforcement officers are staffed heavier and hate arriving at scenes of injured youth or worse.

Pondering prom for your growing son or daughter?

There is the good and there is the bad. There are scripture verses that you can cite promoting prom or prohibiting prom. My wife and I chose to discourage prom for our children and instead promoted spreading those expenses over several weeks doing a wider range of activities with friends rather than in one day or weekend.

What are your ponderings about prom?
Students and parents may leave your comments here:

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Teenagers, Cars, Curfews and Christ

4/30/2012

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My wife, Connie and I raised five children that are now wonderful, young adults. We were interviewed on Sunday for our “Raising G-rated Kids in an R-rated World” message series. The focus was parenting during the teen years. We knew all but two of the questions ahead of time, so we were prepared to share our successes, failures, and Scripture that guided us during those years. Here are a few highlights:

Teenagers are moving from adolescence to adulthood, what things did you do to help them during that transition?

Children are moving from literal to abstract in their thinking. Our position as a parent moved from being hero and always right, to sharing a place with friends or losing their place to friends. Teens become critical and challenge formerly accepted beliefs. We found parenting was easier and harder.

Easier: teens can eat, dress, and be quite independent.
Harder: infant/child rearing involves a large percentage of caring for their physical well-being: food, shelter, clothing and protection. Raising teenagers includes a lot of grayer areas: dating, driving, and doubting.

We found that this is an opportunity to have meaningful adult conversations with our growing teens. We asked them questions about injustice in our world, unanswered prayers, and the “why do you think this is happening this way” questions.

We gave our teenagers more responsibilities and less restrictions. We followed advice from another parent who told us to say “Yes” to their requests as often as you can and give a clear explanation when we would say “No”.

1 Corinthians 13:11 “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.”

Deuteronomy 6:6-7 “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

We would ask our teenager what they were reading in their Bible and ask them what makes sense and what does not. Sometimes we would find solutions together to the confusing portions.

We would ask our children what questions they were asking God about in their prayers and then ask them what answer they have gotten.

We would point our teenager towards books, podcasts, and conferences that brought teaching, perspectives and experiences which complimented and stretched what we had taught them about God.

The single-most important thing we did with our growing teen was:
Pray together.

Let me know what you have found effective raising your teenagers.
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Not Parenting Your Children

4/23/2012

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The heart of loving your children and wanting the best for their lives never ends, but parenting does. Our children are gifts given by God and parents carry an incredible responsibility raising them in the way they should go. The final stage of parenting is releasing our children into all that God has equipped them to be and do in this world.

Larry and Becky Dorman celebrate their 35th wedding anniversary today. They have four children and nine grandchildren. Larry is in his 27th year of serving as pastor at Country Faith Fellowship in Clearbrook, Mn. Becky is the co-director of Clear Waters Life Center, a non-profit organization in two communities which offers Adult Basic Education, Youth Programs, Chemical Dependency programs, Grief Support, Parenting classes, Counseling and Coaching services.
Larry and Becky shared at our church their personal stories of experiences with their children and biblical principles that have guided their lives. The theme was adult children, blended families, grandchildren and drifters.

Highlights:
>All children need to hear from their parents three things:
1.       I love you.
2.       I am proud of you.
3.       You are really good at _____________.
That need to hear those three things never goes away.

>You cannot try to be your young child’s friend or buddy, you are their parent. When your children grow into an adult your role changes from parent to friend.

>Give advice or counsel to your adult children only when asked.

>Proverbs 22:6 "Train a child in the way he should go,
   and when he is old he will not turn from it."
This proverb is a principle, but not a promise. Our role as parents is to tell our children about Jesus Christ and to live passionately for Him. Because God has given each of us a free will, this does not guarantee our children will embrace Jesus as their Lord and Savior.

>Love your children even if they make terribly sinful
choices, because most often they know their choices do not win your approval, but both of you need your relationship more than silence or condemnation. Your love does not mean approval of their actions.

>It is too easy when we see our adult children or grandchildren in conflict to try to fix the problems. Be very cautious not to take an enabling role and borrow money, sign a loan, post bail, or anything that temporarily takes on their responsibilities.

>If your child has drifted from Jesus, you cannot love them back to Jesus. Your love is important, but Jesus is the only way to the Father.

You can hear Larry and Becky online on this website at the Online Messages and click on message_4-22mp3

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Parenting and Porn

Last Day of School

Baby Pictures

Pondering Prom?

Teenagers, Cars, Curfews and Christ

Not Parenting Your Children

Mark Radeke

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