The greatest take-away I received was learning to resolve conflict more effectively. A Christ-centered home is not free of conflict, but uses conflict in positive ways.
I asked my wife how she felt our conflict resolving abilities were and she answered, “better.” So we are looking forward, not to conflict, but to see conflict resolved in healthier ways.
Jim shared this strategy that I will try when the next conflict arises which could occur today or tomorrow.
1. Listen carefully to the other person.
2. If the time is not right to work towards resolution, then select a better time.
3. Specifically define the problem
a. My perspective
b. Her perspective
4. Own my contribution to the conflict.
5. Identify alternative solutions.
6. Together decide on a mutually acceptable solution.
7. Implement new behaviors.
Jim has used this strategy over the past 30 years. This sounded complex until our speaker illustrated it with a conflict they faced often that was resolved.
1. It was frustrating Jim when his tools were missing.
2. Jim was ready to listen to his spouse.
3. The time was right to address the conflict.
4. The problem: Tools would get used, not returned and were gone when Jim needed them.
a. His perspective: frustration
b. Her perspective: she would hear doors slam and Jim yelling for whoever used his tool last.
5. Jim owned that he yelled and slammed doors.
6. Various solutions were discussed.
7. The mutually accepted solution was:
a. Jim would look in 3 places before calling for help.
b. If the tool was not found, Jim would ask for help looking and the family had to agree to help.
8. They implemented the solution and it worked over and over!
My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest.
I am looking forward to conflicts resolved in healthier ways.
Let me know what works for you regarding conflicts.